Friday, April 30, 2010

who you are is who you want to be

it's almost a month since i wrote.
when i said "wrote", i mean "wrote". writing "something" that actually had meaning, at least for me.
first of all, allow me to apologizing for that absence, i can surely made up some lame-ass excuses like i was abducted by an alien or something, but I'M PRETTY SURE that all of you a little smarter not to believe what i'm saying because the truth is, ideas just hate me lately and yes i was busy especially last week with that Les Miserables thing, so once again i'm sorry.

there is no logical explanation why my mind goes blank everytime i saw a blank blogspot page, i just had nothing to wrote, nothing to tell, for someone who loves writing so much, i could just said that i'm pretty much screwed.
maybe the only reason is i'm being weird these couple months and i don't have a slight idea why am i so weird lately.
i was changed. i am change.
maybe this had to do with every single obstacle i found these few past years.
i adapted, and i changed. somewhere along the way, i became this person i don't know who.
i became this awful version of my self.
and the truth is, i'm scared cos i don't like who i become.
And on top of that, I feel lost.
I feel like losing my path, my way.
And this is not good..

These couple months I've been like walking zombie.
I woke up every morning with a huge annoying pain in my mind that keep telling me "everything is wrong". And I just can't run away. I can't heal it no matter what I try.
So I let my mind and my heart sleep it off so it won't remind me how screwed things were, and I became this heartless crazy zombie whose walking down tha exact same road every single bloody day and still feel lost everytime.
I feel lost.
I feel like I don't know where I supposed to head on, where am I supposed to lead my life to.
And everything seems not right anymore.
I start doubting about every single thing.
And the things that used to be important to me, it doesn't matter anymore. There is nothing matter anymore.

I've been lost for a months.
But then again, here's some funny things on life.
We always feel lost.
We always feel that we need to find the path even if we're already in the path.
People always feel lost, at least once in our life.
But the truth is, we're not lost. Not lost at all.. We're just need to be found, and to be touched, and to be reminded who we were and who we are.
Because who we are is never lost, we just forget who we really are.
Just like me.
I was forget who I was, who I am..
But today, I was being reminded by someone that who I am is who I want to be.
and somehow i feel everything would be just fine.

life may full of obstacle, may stand in our way.
but life doesn't stand a chance if you knew who you were, who you are.
because it's not about finding your self that had been lost,
but it's about re-invented yourself that may been forgotten...
so i think all we need in life is just a little reminder...


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