Thursday, November 26, 2009

5 stage of grief

there's 5 stages of grief...
denial - anger - bargaining - depression - acceptance.
these stages maybe not always came in those same particular order. it depends. but always those five.
there's always those 5 stages for every kind of grief.
death. lost. disappointment. even broken heart.

1. Denial

we, human being, tend to deny all bad things that happen to us, all the shit that happen in our life. because maybe, in fact we are a positive person,
we tried to think positive, we tried to seek the bright side, the bright possibilities even though deep down in your heart we knew already that was useless, cos shit does happens all the times and no matter how positive we tried to set our mind, those shit still happens anyway.
then, because we still can't accept the shit, we deny the truth by putting our self in this box, box called dreams.
the box full of our expectation that makes all the reality get blurry.
yes, we deny cos things doesn't go as we planned.
we deny cos everything's different with the dreams we had.
so we deny.
we deny cos we were afraid to facing the reality.
we deny things cos we cared.

yes, so we deny...

2. Anger

after denying the bites of the reality, we usually get angry.
get angry of everything but ourselves.
we blame everyone, everything.
we blame others to be responsible for the shit to happens, we blame God to be so unfair and gave us these typical of problems. but never blaming our self...
yes, we're angry. and blaming.
once again, we're angry cos we're afraid.
we're afraid to take any responsibility we should,
we're afraid to see the situation with another perspective and found that we're also take the part so the things happens.
so we're angry at others.
we blame them without any second look to ourselves cos we are afraid.

3. Bargaining

The doubt start appear.
and you start asking "what if".
you start making another "if this..." and "if that...".
we start bargaining with ourselves,
we star bargaining with God,
with other person.
we make an offer,
we begged things going better than what happens already.
we wondered what if things goes better, how if things done differently...
we start making an offer to ourselves, to others, to God.
and i do believe this sort of things because we still deny the truth, we still can't accept the whole truth cos we're afraid.
and what makes us afraid is not the pain, nor the sadness.
but it's our ability to knew that something, something important in our lives has vanished. something has missing. something has taken away from us.
and that's the most terrifying thing in lost. in grief.

4. Depression

we kept try to avoid things.
avoid the truth.
we start making "our own" story.

but in some point, reality came slapping us and waking us up from all those comforting dreams and the reality is, um...what should i put? bad? CRUEL and HARSH to be precise.
and finally we start realizing the reality, we start disappoint by the truth.
and it will came to depression.
it came to this feelings like we were eating alive.
bites us and chew us into a tiny million pieces.
the sadness came appear,
the loss haunted us.
and we felt depressed. we felt the world is fighting against us. everything was a mess.
we felt down, rejected, useless, helpless, and those sort things...
and yes, we depressed cos we start to realize thing.
we start see things more clearly.
and we start trying to accept the shit..

5. Acceptance

This is the hardest part.
and this stage came in 2 things.
letting go, and move on.
letting go is, simply put, not even close to moving on.
we accept, we let things go, and then we moving on.
so it's different.
we accept by know the reality, by realize the shit is happen no matter what.
we let things go by accept the whole truth, the whole situation, the whole things by whole heartedly.
and we move on if we ready to start something new, if we start to put all the past behind.
the acceptance is when we ready to face the new things. the new experience.
we ready for new grief cos everyday in our lives is a grief...

right now, i'm on my own grief.
and those five stages does came.
but for me it's more like denial - bargaining - depression - anger - (hopefully) acceptance.

p.s : pardon my english pal!


s said...

hakahkah ini dr greys bkn sih?

[rei] said...

dari mana2 dan lalu di greys juga ada...hahaa..yaudah dehhh...

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