i hope being hopeful will get me somewhere somehow

i may look as a pessimist, the half-empty glass kind of girl. the kind of person who always look in the bad side and didn't believe of the good ones.
well, maybe i am. but i'm also hopeful.
i don't believe much. as a girl who grown up with happily-ever-after-fairy-tale-stories, i don't really believe in happily ever after. i believed once, but not anymore. i also don't have a big, strong, unbreakable faith that could pull me out of the darkness. i don't have anything absolute to hold on to. i'm basically the life-proof of what people may called 'a mess', but i'm hopeful.
i'm not a happy person, or an optimist kind of girl.
i'm not a positive person, i even think that being positive is way too overrated. but i am a hopeful person, the kind of person who always get a little bit of hope running in her heart, someone who always had a dream of something better will happen.
i am a mess. and i sort of afraid of being happy. and i'm not ok, and actually i don't know when i will be ok again. but i'm hopeful. and i hope being hopeful will get me somewhere somehow.