sleepless dreamer's dreams

there are two types of girl. the simple girl who seem to had everything worked out, whose life seem flawless and perfect and nice and easy. and the other one, is the "me" girl. the one who twisted and complicated, and need a lot of works and got caught up in some messy life-tortured scheme. yeah, everyone who read this will instantly saw themselves as the "me" girl while we saw other girl as the simple girl.

that's natural. we always see ourselves as the massive mess, as the wrong one, as the broken one. i don't know why, but maybe it's easier that way. it's easier to think that we are a mess, that we are emotionally broken, it may caused by a little bit envy, and a lot of questioning "why the hell they life seem completely worked out while mine completely messed up?!" or maybe, so we have all the right excuse to be messed up, to be sloppy, to be disappointed and be the disappointment.

as i sat in my bedroom, with my bugs bunny face mug filled with a hot tea, what i saw is that messed-up, broken-inside girl with a twisted and complicated life typing and try to make sense about everything. do i look at my self that way so i have all the excuse when life is getting hard? so i could just said, "hey, that's my life... i'm the messy girl with a messy life" and people would understood my limitation? or maybe i just don't want to face the reality that maybe... i, was the disappointment, because by being the victim it gave us the place where we are the one who's always been disappointed by others.

or maybe... just maybe, i just tryin' to found some inspiration among those pain and misery, because like people said, pain is inspiring. but no matter why, in the end this is how i protect my self, by see my self broken so no one could break me anymore, by see my self as a basket case, a mess, so no one could mess me even more.

so which one are you?