set up

something has surely changing in my life.
something has surely changing in me.
the way i look at days,
the way i look at things,
the way i look at my self is never be the same ever again.
it's all changing.
and i don't even know whether it changing into a better or a worse thing.
all i know is just, everything was changed.
I, was changed.

being here,
in my empty-yet-full-of memories room, in front of my laptop, writing this post, while Life House's song played in background,
i tried to remember what the hell is changing me.
it's him. everyone knows that.
but, i think it takes more than him to change me.
maybe he did change a little piece of me, but the rest?
i don't think it is him.
it is life i think.
it is life who change me into this person.
it is the fact that i never do anything in my life, that i never achieve any targets in my life,
the fact that i never do any THING in my whole life is changing me.
i mean, by sitting here,
the clear images of me never do anything particular in my life made me terrifies. it made me look things differently. it made me see days differently.
those nineteen-almost-twenty-years passing by without any meaning.
those years just goes by, passing away and wasted.

it is almost new year.
and like i said last year, i don't do new year's resolution, i don't write new year's hope.
because maybe i'm too coward to face another failure when trying to pursue my targets.
or maybe i just too lazy to pursue anything in my life.
but again, the fact that i never done anything in my life slapping my face up and made me realize that i had to do something.
so here it this,
the clock ticking,
the target set already,
three weeks, one story.
three weeks, one born-to-be book.