Monday, February 9, 2009

bitterly alone, depressingly sad, dark and twisty life a.k.a reality

i hate...
i hate...
and i hate..
when i said "i hate almost everything", what i mean is (literally) i hate ALMOST every-fuckin'-thing. not a lie or some metaphor to sound interesting. no..
when i said "i hate almost everything", i mean it.
besides all the THINGS I've already mentioned in my older post about what I'm scared of, hate, or dislike.
there is other thing that i hate.
i hate special day.
i hate special occasion in our calendar.
i hate big day.
i hate celebration.
i hate the day when we're expected spent the day with other people.
so i definitely hate the day like birthday, new year's eve, Saturday night, and yeah.. valentine's day.
maybe some of you would unite your eyebrows, caught by surprise how could be possible a person doesn't like such a sweet, nice, fun and happy moment like that? how could i possibly hate the day when we can share such a lovey-dovey-moments?
well...
i also ask my self how could i be possibly hate that cheered-up moment?
how could i possibly hate that such a lovely time?
how could i possibly hate that such a perfect time to share some love?
i guess it's all because i don't have that much cheeriness (is this even a word?) to show
i don't have love that much to give or to share.
i am just an annoyingly whiner who always whine about my bitterly-lonely-sad-depressed-dark-and-twisty life.
yeah.
i don't have too much love or cheeriness or happiness to be shown or to be shared cos all i have just that lonely and pathetic day.
so i hate the day when we actually expected being with someone else.
i hate the day when we required to be with somebody else to hang out, to spent the day, so we wouldn't be called as "lonely".
the problem is....
i don't exactly have anybody to spent time with in that silly occasion.
and i hate being lonely.
i never really had anyone to hang on the day like that.
that fact just like SNAP me right into my face *PLAKKKK*.
the fact that i don't have anyone particular to hang and to spent time together in those such a lovely day give me a weird feel in my chest. in my stomach. in my heart. it just feel wrong. sad. bitter. and all along...
so i just hate it.
i hate it so i don't have to admit that deep deep deep deep very deep down in my heart i also want to feel the experience share new year's eve, birthday, or valentine's day with someone. someone i love (well.if love does really exist) and love me back...
ahhhh......
i think i just have to get back to my bitterly-lonely-depressingly sad-dark and twisty life a.k.a reality...

2 comments:

s said...

"i hate special occasion in our calendar" -> ouh! same here darling!

"how could i possibly hate that such a perfect time to share some love?" -> maybe because we're all alone? or so we thought.. the fact is, we never really are alone. i mean, look around. but somehow, deep down, we choose to be alone. when i say deep down, i mean REALLY REALLY DEEP DOWN

"i don't have love that much to give or to share." -> its not that u dont have love to share. its the people who dont deserve to be loved. oooh people are hateable. i wouldnt blame u for this

"i don't exactly have anybody to spent time with in that silly occasion." -> ouh this is easy! just lock urself in ur room and dont meet anyone. like i always do

but hey, what do i know? im not much different from ya. u wanna love someone that can love u back equally? love urself!

*oh what an essay, eh?

[rei] said...

"we never really are alone. i mean, look around. but somehow, deep down, we choose to be alone."->yeah i think u were right!


"oooh people are hateable"-> couldnt more agree with this statement..

"just lock urself in ur room and dont meet anyone"->i did it too.

 
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