i need to being able not to feel any pain again

okay.
someone ask me 'what exactly the pain im having' right now.
hmmm.....
gue juga ngga tau.
oke,
sebenernya i feel the pain that i'm not really having. i feel the pain that not really exist.
like some imaginary pain.
my brother told me that is in my mind. my mental is sick. not my body.
hahahaha...
now i sound like a freak or weirdo..hahhaha...
ya the truth is,
gue merasa sooooooo much in pain. gue berasa kesakitan dimanapun. my head, my brain. my chest, my heart. my stomach. my skin. everywhere. tapi sebenernya sakit itu ngga bener- bener ada. sakitnya cuma sekedar imajinasi gue, halusinasi gue.
seharusnya kalo gue sadar semua ini cuma imajinasi gue, sakitnya ilang. seharusnya sakitnya hilang. but the pain still there. and this pain is getting worse day by day.
every day i woke up and i feel sick. i feel awful. i feel damage.
i feel dysfunction.
i feel helpless, useless. and damage. unrepairable.
gue ketawa miris nyaris hysterical waktu gue harusnya nangis.
gue nangis gemeteran waktu gue ga seharusnya nangis.
gue diem waktu reality bites me and then i laugh. i just laugh. i laugh with no particular reason. i just laugh hystericaly.
i can't feel any euphoria even a bit because this pain is excruciating.
and if someoe ask me 'why are you in so much pain?"
i can't answer it.
semua orang mengira gara- gara "dia".
well, sebagian iya.
sebagian diri gue rusak mungkin karena dia.
tapi ngga cuma gara- gara dia.
there is so much things happen. and nothing great comes to my life lately. every single thing that was come in my life just a hard big punch in my back head.
and i can't take this anymore...
i couldn't bear this pain any more.
this pain make me miserable.
make me feel bad. feel insecure. feel empty. feel lost. feel wrong. feel awfully awful...
so i'm begging...
i'm begging to everyone to cured me...
just please get this pain gone.
cos i have enough pain for several months.
and i need this pain to be gone. i need be normal again.
i need to being able not to feel any pain again.